How Genotype Brought Me Into An Unhappy Marriage - Learn From My Story


Feeling unhappy in a marriage is normal. All relationships have ups and downs, happy seasons and difficult seasons, agreements and disagreements. For most people, marriage is harder work than they anticipated, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the investment.

Despite the joy and fulfilment that comes with finding the right person for you, there is a dark cloud of pain that comes with an unhappy marriage. Especially if you end up with the wrong person. 

But what if the right person suddenly becomes the wrong person because of a situation like a genotype? A man shares his story of how genotype brought him into an unhappy marriage. 

Read and learn from his story. 

He wrote, 
"I'm above 30 years old, finished NYSC in 2015 and I just secured a government teaching job after spending more than 3 years teaching in private schools. I met my wife earlier 2019, she was in her final year in school, we dated throughout the year and planned to get married after she graduated. She graduated and we make a move for our introduction, then we suggested to have the marriage before she goes for her Nysc so as to enable her to serve in our home state as I already have a rented apartment to start a small family.
"As we were planning for the marriage, we were also planning her NYSC. She was required to have a medical certificate for the NYSC which of course required blood test including genotype. She came back with the result of her genotype as AS. That was the only time I remember to take genotype issue serious. Even if I have some little knowledge about it before, I decided to research more about it on the internet and also met some of my friends who are medically inclined. I came to realize my own genotype test is also important at that moment. I might have done the test in school but I didn't pay attention to its usefulness so I don't remember the result.
"I don't usually fall sick except for normal malaria when there is a mosquito bite, never had a drip line in my body for once, never slept in a hospital bed, I don't have any reason to take note of my genotype or blood test.
"Her results then prompt me to have my own test done too which came out to be AS also. By these periods we have convinced our families to choose a date for the marriage so that we can have the wedding before her NYSC. Marriage is to hold in a week time when I got my own genotype result.From my further findings of AS and AS couple, I discovered how risky it is for their offsprings. I tried to explain to her but she turned a deaf ear, she alleged me of trying to break her heart at that critical period. She reported to her sisters they tried to blame me but I make them all realized it's not my fault because throughout my visitation and introduction to their family nobody has ever asked us about genotype. I am an orphan, I don't have any closer family to guide me except for my sisters who can't wait for me to get married because of my age, they also had never thought of it as well.
"My wife sisters gave us some examples of older couples who were both AS with only one or no sickler among their children. My wife also made a threat of killing herself or she kill me if the marriage didn't hold. She even suggested we proceed with the marriage and break up after few weeks of marriage because of the shame that may follow if we stop the marriage or maybe she was desperate because of the marriage certificate, I don't know. I maintained my stand of backing off the marriage but she reported to my sisters also. Her sisters and my sisters later tried to encourage us to go ahead with prayers since we have chosen the date. We were advised not to disclose our genotype result to anyone again because people will discourage us.
"Even though I was skeptical about the marriage, it later commenced with less spending because the Nikkah was held in a mosque and a tent for refreshments.After the marriage, we tried to talk about it, and she told me, she was afraid, maybe she was pregnant before the marriage that's why she insisted on going ahead with the marriage. She also revealed to me that she was not happy with the decision as well, means she also know the implications but she has to avoid the shame of stopping the marriage after inviting guests to the occasion.
"During this period, my love for her reduced drastically because of her desperation and her refusal to understand the risk we are about to take. I tried to avoid pregnancy from our first month of marriage but I later gave up and she conceived immediately. Now she is closer to her delivery. We hardly talk or play like we used to. We only discuss feeding, maternity and things to get for the coming baby.I discovered we quarrel over little things that can be overlooked by lovers. I'm not happy in the marriage, I spend most of time watching TV or stay outside all day because of unresolved issues.
"I'm planning to arrange for a divorce after she delivered the baby because this is my first baby and I would love to have 2 or 3 kids more. I can't take the risk of allowing any of my children to be a sickler.Advice is needed if my plan for divorce is a good one and do I stand a chance of losing anything?"
Advice is needed. Use the comment box below. 

11 Comments

  1. Wow! He really shouldn't have gone on with the wedding and should have maintained his stand. And now divorce? Uhmmmm, I confused sef

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    Replies
    1. That would have been the best solution. Why go ahead with a marriage you cannot live with?

      Anyway, the new reality is this, the best thing to do here is to pray and hope that the child is not SS (I think there are tests that can confirm the genotype of the child before the birth of the child).

      If the child is not SS, he needs to forget about having more than one child and just love his wife and the child for the rest of his life.

      Delete
  2. I advise they see a marriage counselor to seek for help on the right move to make.

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    1. I agree with you.
      This will help them (especially him) heal from the hurt he nurse inside.

      Delete
  3. For me, I feel the guy should overlook all that has happened if he wants peace for himself, it might be hard but it's the best. They've gotten married, they have crossed a bridge, if he really loves the woman, he should keep an open mind, support his wife during the pregnancy and who knows, the child might be AA. If the baby is AA, he will blame himself at the end of the day. He should forget about other kids for now and concentrate on the one on the way. Divorce even though the woman suggested it earlier before their marriage is a no no. He might divorce, get married to another, face bigger problems and create a bad home for his unborn child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AS and AS can have a baby with AA genotype?

      The problem is, his love for her suddenly turned into hatred because she insisted in getting married to him.

      It is a tough one.

      Delete
  4. It is very selfish for the man. He should understand how hard it is to break up a week to the wedding because of uncertainties about future children. They should see a marriage counsellor asap because a divorce will be damaging to the mother and the child. Jesus. Tell him to rethink this whole situation.

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  5. Hmmmmm,this got me speechless but my advice for him and his wife is that they should move closer to God because with him anything is possible. And also not all who marries AS and AS give birth to SS, kindof know a family. Also, one thing that is important in any relationship is communication, he needs to discuss this problem with his wife,sure she was wrong,but if he needs peace of mind and to enjoy his household,he needs to discuss with her and let bygones be bygones. Him divorcing her does not really solve the problem, he has to consider the child that is on the way. I also recommend that they talk to a counsellor either individually or together.

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    Replies
    1. Nice one.

      This is a lesson for those who are in a relationship and for those who are still searching for the one.
      Genotype discussion is very important!

      Delete
  6. Though break-up is hard..but one need to take necessary steps to save the future. As it is now, the deed has been done. The husband should learn to live with his wife and find a way to love her, going for counselling might help

    ReplyDelete